![]() The only solace that can be offered during this tumultuous time is that the liver doesn’t go down without a fight. So we drink to remember the good times, drink to forget the bad, and drink to keep from dwelling too much on the uncertainty of our future. And right now, there’s no indication that those will start spinning again anytime soon. But it’s like the proverb goes: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Americans need specific wheels on the mighty machine to keep moving to have some semblance of faith in the idea that everything is going to work out for the best. But if more of the country is now throwing caution to the wind and getting somewhere between buzzed and piss-pants hammered every single day, well, that could spell trouble.īut what’s a person to do? Spend all day in the house, sober as a judge while worrying about how they are going to pay the bills or salvage a business? Huh, we can try, I guess. They say that men can consume around two alcoholic drinks per day without running the risk of too many health issues while women can have one. health officials with the CDC are a little more forgiving. We’ve already heard that no amount of booze should be considered safe, that every drop is just one step further to the grave. If we survive this demon bug presently beating the nation like a one-legged stepchild, allowing us to get back to some level of normalcy in the months to come, it is conceivable that we could start seeing more liver disease fester to the surface. Somewhere around 16 million people have lost their jobs in the past few weeks. Well, we’ve got more of that right now than we can handle. A lot of this increase has been attributed to economic downturn, whereby people just have a tendency to drink more during hard times. ![]() A recent study shows there really is no end in sight to the nation’s crusty liver. A hefty percentage of the people who were getting strapped to life support as a result of alcohol-induced cirrhosis was millennials between the ages of 25 and 34. What’s really fucked up about it is a lot of these cases were not old-time boozehounds that had been reduced to drinking rubbing alcohol just to get by. Long before some nasty bug snuck into the country and started gnawing away at the lungs of the American citizen, health officials were already warning of a savage increase in liver disease. Still, all of the day drinking the nation is presently engaging in, the evening cocktail hours and other dastardly wino behavior could be dragging the nation into yet another health crisis very soon. The trend is expected to continue its upward momentum, at least until everyone goes completely broke and can no longer afford anything but black market toilet hooch. It has experienced a 75% increase in overall sales since the nation was driven inside like refugees. Perhaps this explains why the alcohol industry is the only business sector out there making a living. It’s beginning to look as though the good old days have come and gone. Pro Tip: Learn how to properly butcher, store and prepare your fellow man now while we still have the Internet. Let’s drunkenly relish in what is left of civil society before we are reduced to street dwellers, scavengers, and cannibals. ![]() They figure, hell, why not get shit-faced now before the castrated economy has us moving into a cardboard box in a matter of months. In the true spirit of self-medicating, most of America has turned to booze to deal with the boredom, depression and despair that comes with having no money, no life, and, as sad as it may be, no hope.
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